Fear of a predator

Fear looms around like a dark cloud and makes one restless.

A state of panic where your body shivers and quakes.

The core of your body turns icy cold.

Your mind holds on to that one thing that means the most to you.

In a sense fear can even make you lose your mind.

Delusions and scenarios that may or may not happen haunt you.

It holds you back and time moves painfully slow.

You watch the clock in fear that your enemy might strike at any moment.

Thus you have your guard up 24/7.

It's tiresome but you're more scared than you are tired, so you keep going.

Have you ever had that feeling?

It's normal.

We are human so we are bound to at one point feel afraid.

However, not many people know that it is dangerous to allow yourself to be in such a state for too long.

I pray that God is your corner stone in times like these.

The longer you are in such a state you slowly become desperate, more irrational and you start slipping away from your humanity.

Virtues like trust and bonds will become meaningless as you remain hell bent on surviving.

Goals and purposes in life become obscured and warped and before you know it you're merely obsessed with keeping your life for as long as you can, so much so that you would do absolutely anything.

That is dangerous.

One of two things may happen.

Become a suck up who forever lives at the bottom of the food chain or you will be consumed with a desire to reach or stay at the top of the food chain.

In both cases your focus is far off God's will and to this you will be blind.

In extreme cases you may even loose your concept of time; and become stuck in a never ending loop that never ends for you, while the whole world moves forward.

Just imagine it left by the world because of your will to keep it.

He who wishes to keep his life shall lose it and he who doesn't shall keep it.

Does this mean you should give up and allow your enemies to trample over you?

Absolutely not.

This simply means that trust in the Lord God even through your hardships and allow Him to make you strong enough to with stand your battles, thus delivering you from them.

Glorify him at all times and keep your eyes towards Him that way you will not lose direction.

For you have not been given a spirit of fear but a spirit of love

My HANDS

I looked at my hands and wondered why they were so rough and at the same time I realised that maybe these rough hands did suite me; with all the work that I do.

I imagined myself with dainty, soft and frail hands, tinted with a light pink colour, but that image quickly disappeared;

because those were not my hands

Those were not the hands that told the story of how hard I had worked.

Those dainty soft hands, did not tell the story

of how much and how long I had toiled.

Those hands that had never seen a day of

work or hardship were not mine.

And now I will dare not envy those smooth

soft hands, because I want to hold, share and own my story.

Because my story is a part of me.

My story is something I hold dearly and one

that I do not intend to throw away, hide or replace.

These are my hands.

Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

Romans 5 : 3 - 5

Why am I so bad?

I ask myself this question. Often it is after I have given into temptation or fallen back into my old sinful ways. I am a sinner and there's is not doubt about it, but I will put in all the effort I possibly can to not fall back. This determination is there but I sometimes ask myself "what right do I have?" I have fallen back and I am coming back again on my knees again. How many times has it been? even I am sick of myself. I sometimes think if I could have the ability to sin taken away from me or if the desires of my flesh were taken away from me it would be so much better. I wouldn't have to struggle against my flesh daily and go about God's work peacefully; but then again, since God did do that to us there must be a reason; one that helps us actually. I just don't know what it is at the moment.

I cry because I know I am selfish. I cry because I know that I fall back into sin so often I deserve death. I desperately want to follow but I still find it hard. It shows that I still have a long way to grow, and I keep pursuing that growth despite knowing that I will never reach it for as long as I live.

I pray that God can break my heart for the things His heart breaks for; and that my thoughts are guided by Him.

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"

Matthew 26 : 41