Why am I so bad?

I ask myself this question. Often it is after I have given into temptation or fallen back into my old sinful ways. I am a sinner and there's is not doubt about it, but I will put in all the effort I possibly can to not fall back. This determination is there but I sometimes ask myself "what right do I have?" I have fallen back and I am coming back again on my knees again. How many times has it been? even I am sick of myself. I sometimes think if I could have the ability to sin taken away from me or if the desires of my flesh were taken away from me it would be so much better. I wouldn't have to struggle against my flesh daily and go about God's work peacefully; but then again, since God did do that to us there must be a reason; one that helps us actually. I just don't know what it is at the moment.

I cry because I know I am selfish. I cry because I know that I fall back into sin so often I deserve death. I desperately want to follow but I still find it hard. It shows that I still have a long way to grow, and I keep pursuing that growth despite knowing that I will never reach it for as long as I live.

I pray that God can break my heart for the things His heart breaks for; and that my thoughts are guided by Him.

"Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak"

Matthew 26 : 41